war...

it is very evident in my life that everything God intends for good, the devil uses as an open door for evil. a good conversation, a moment of clear conviction, food, weight loss, music, a walk. if there is a time when God breaks through clearly, and i have no question about what i am supposed to do to honor Him, there is a good chance the devil will step in with small attacks of apathy, discouragement, self assurance, fellings of failure or other such nonesence. the problem is, i don't know how to prevent it. when God bring clear conviction to read scripture daily, and yet the next morning i wake up late and don't sit down all day, how do i respond? try again the next day? what happens when all those next-days turn into 3 weeks of slowly slipping into disobedience, and you hardly know how you got there? i don't want to make excuses, but i do want to figure out how to manage this situation without hating myself--for this is the devil's other huge tactic for me. tell me i failed, and i will crumble. tell me i am a disappointment, and i will crawl under a rock. tell me it is worthless to try again, because the same failure is sure, i stop caring. Jesus, please break this pattern. never let my sin be enough to keep you from convicting me--and in fact, bring it with greater strength. i hate this hardness of heart that comes after i have not responded for too long. please break these lies and tell me again of Your love for me.