The best way to describe this past week would be...bi-polar.
This week held some of the best moments of the summer, hand in hand with some of the worst.
On the high end, my good friend Dani came to visit me! Dani has been a close friend since Whitworth days, and always been one of the most intentional people in my life. To this day she is one of the only college friends who came down to LA to visit my family, and now is one of the only people who will make the million-dollar investment in a vacation to Juneau.
It was so good to have her here. We went on a good hike, ate some AMAZING blackened salmon, and had wonderful conversations. She got to see a One Aisle Over show and even went on a bike tour! Over the weekend we traveled to Skagway to visit Paul. The weekend included a wonderful hike, meeting many of Paul's friends, playing Settlers of Catan over red wine and chocolate, a 10 hour ride on the train, playing music, birthday dinner and birthday pancakes! All in all, not too shabby! I have heard so much about Skagway over the years from Paul, Lindsey and others that I was thrilled to put places and faces with stories and names. Skagway is a wonderfully charming city, and I FINALLY understand how it has captivated some of my close friends for several years.
For my birthday I woke up to my 27th year in Skagway! It was good to start the day with Dani and Paul. The rest of the day was not exactly fantastic, but it went on. It just happened that some mis-communications with the band came to a head on this day, and I spent a good chunk of the b-day in tears.
There is a bit of confusion right now as to how long my commitment will last with the band. They desire (and deserve) members of the band who are willing and able to give more than I am currently able to give, and this leaves us at a tense point. They want me to commit to the group for the long term, and a LOT of me wants to do this. But I get insecure about the future and the long haul. Do I want to commit to performing with this group for the next several years? Is that my heart for life? What about school? What about counseling? What about family? What about missions? How do these things fall into line with trying to play music full time? Is this a left turn from the Lord or a refining moment that might cause me to pursue my original plan with greater zeal? These and more questions all play a role in complicating my decision. On top of this, relationships in the band have been at times strained, which makes me less inclined to stay long term in Juneau. All this and more came to a head on my birthday and several hard conversations later, I was ready to walk away from the band. But I had a good conversation with a band mate that made me willing to give it more time. He pointed out that all our relationships are intensified because we all live together and recommended I find a new place to live. He also took off some of the commitment pressure, stating that he realizes it's a big decision and wants me to take the time to really let the decision be true, rather than throwing away something that could be wonderful. I really respect this perspective, and am holding off on making any big decisions for a while. In the meantime, however, we had a FANTASTIC show this weekend, which made me fall for the band all over again. This was our biggest show of the year. We performed for a LISTENING audience of about 200 people and had a LOT of fun! This was a fund raising concert to put money towards our recording project in October, and it went really well. We played well and had a fantastic response. It was especially exciting for me because I had fun! I have been so tired and burnt out that playing has been laborious for me, but this show was a blast and brought back a lot of the joy that had been lacking. It was unspeakably refreshing to enjoy playing, music and my band mates again.
I think it was the dose of enjoyment I needed to keep pressing on. When it comes down to it, I really like these people and this music. Maybe this is a short term gig, but maybe this is just the first trial in a very good long term relationship. Everyone has always likened the commitment to this band like a marriage, and I find it fitting. The dating process is great, but filled with many bumps in the road and questions before one is ready to commit. I need to give this group that same grace and allow all of us to learn through these "bumps" in the road. Who knows where this all will go, but I don't want to throw away what could be a huge gift from Jesus. :) We'll see.
So, so, so, so, so much has happened since I last blogged. This summer is honestly turning into a whirlwind. Long work days, rehearsal, gigs and the occasional tid-bit of social life is leaving me a bit tired and worn. The up-side is I love everything I am doing, but I am running ragged. I guess one could say this last chunk of time has been a crash course in real life after the honeymoon period in Juneau. It's not that it's bad, it's just that the initial excitement of living in a new, beautiful place and doing all new things is wearing off. I've been lonely. I've missed my friends. I've had a desire for someone to know and appreciate my heart and passions. I want this place to feel like home, but it isn't yet--and nor could it be. I've only been here three months and haven't had time to develop many relationships outside of the band and work. Thankfully, I really like my band mates and co-workers, but I still long for the heartfelt communion of those who know you well and appreciate the small things in you. I realize this is a natural part of all transitions, so I'm not jumping ship or rotting away in despair--just acknowledging the natural absence of these things. All reading this must know: I am a very relational person and thrive off of deep conversation and transparent relationships. Life gets to be a bit drudgy when those aren't around...but I have confidence they will grow with time. It has been a good time of communion with the Lord around these things. He has reminded me that He is the one who can know me most intimately, better than I know myself. When my heart longs to be understood, He has been gracious to remind me to come to Him first. When I am lonely, He has been good to turn me to prayer so that I remember the constant communion available in Him. When I struggle with being single (big surprise, right?) He has reminded me of His sovereignty over my life, my heart and the future. When I struggle with relationships at home or at work, He reminds me to die to myself and serve those around me in love. All these things have a been huge lessons in His character and heart for my life. Every time I feel myself wanting to complain, the Holy Spirit reminds me of Jesus's life and how He felt lonely, misunderstood, used, unappreciated and abandoned far more than I ever could. Oh, to know Him and the power of His Resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death. This is not an easy calling, but it is the road of those who choose to follow. And not that it is shy of joy! In each of these areas He has brought much joy indeed. I am thankful that He has been so quick and clear to convict and show me how I can be more like Him. Goodness knows, I fail daily, but I thankful for the transforming work that is taking place.
I had a conversation with a friend last weekend that has stuck with me. We talked about the call to take scripture seriously and be willing to lead the radical life that it calls for. Those who have known me since my college days know that I once was SUPER crazy towards this direction, but now I approach it with a more balanced and earnest heart. I want to lead the kind of life that is truly transformed by what I read in scripture. I want to live a simple life that is full passion, love and sacrifice. When I was in Ethiopia, the thing that struck me most was how powerfully believers there believed and lived by scripture. If it was in the Bible, they believed it as Truth. We tend to explain things away with our "knowledge" and "cultural ways of thinking." Dang it, it is such a cop out. I don't want to be a fundamentalist Bible-thumper, but I do want to be a person who lives radically after the Truth I believe. I don't know what all that looks like, but it has been a good thing to ponder for a while. How easy it is to settle into complacency and forget that this world is not our home. How easy it is to want to fit in with those around us and to let go of the conviction that grips our heart. I know this complacency because I live there far too often, but I don't want to settle there. This Sunday's sermon was on Calvin and it stuck with me that Calvin only lived to be 55 years old. He only lived 29 years more than I, yet his life completely changed history. Our lives don't have to be that public or propel such historical change, but would they all be that filled with passion that God's glory can be seen boldly in them even if we don't live long on this earth.
The following song has been blasting on my ipod for the past couple weeks and I want to share the lyrics with you...
Lord, He thunders from heaven
and His voice can stop this world
He created the day and night
still He knit together this little girl
Oh, you could sing us a new song,
Oh, you could stand up and say
"Hallelujah! He loved me today!"
He gathers the sea to jars
and He calls the stars by name
clothes the flowers in every field
still He loves me just the same
Oh, you could sing us a new song!
Oh, you could stand up and say,
"Hallelujah! He loved me today!"
The earth trembles and mountains shake
and the wind can blow so strong
All of creation waits for the day
When you call Your children home
Oh, you could sing us a new song!
Oh, you could stand up and say
Hallelujah!! He loved me today!"
On a completely different note, these weeks have been great and busy. We have played SO many gigs and they have all gone really well. People in the community are really looking at us like we are about to take off. I have no idea what will come of this in the future, but it is pretty fun nonetheless. In an effort not to take up more of your precious reading time, I am going to resort to a bullet list to fill you in on all the things I have done in the past month. I love you all, thanks for reading.
*paul came to Juneau about a month ago--had a great, refreshing weekend with him--went on a great hike
*played a lot of gigs
*dad came to Juneau, went on good hikes, ate great food, went on a boat ride to Tracy Arm, went Halibut fishing with my friend Carl
*played a gig at Chapel By the Lake where people actually sat and listened to us (as apposed to being drunk and crashing into us...)
*4th of July was a party! Stayed at a HUGE house on Douglas island with a bunch of friends, watched the fireworks over the Gastineau Chanel, played three gigs over the course of the weekend and led worship Sunday AM, followed by a great boat ride where we plucked crabs and shrimps out of the sea to eat for dinner and jumped into the ocean to cool down (YES, the Alaskan ocean)
*This weekend had another gig (no way!) went to the end of a cheap wine party and dog-sat for a spastic chocolate lab who has more testosterone than any animal I have ever met. Finished up the weekend with a great game of ultimate with some campus crusade folks.
Several weeks ago, One Aisle Over traveled up the Gastinaeu Channel to Haines, AK. We played at the Annual Haines Brew Fest, and boy, did we have a good time. We took a long weekend (Friday-Monday), played the Brew Fest on Saturday and took the rest of the weekend to bop around Haines and see some beautiful country. The Ferry ride itself was phenominal (see pictures below) and Haines is a georgeous little town. We stayed at Ron Horn's home (the Presbyterian pastor in Haines) and he was a gracious host.
The Brewfest itself was wonderulf. We were the main band, playing for 750 people who were in attendence. We received some really great feedback and sold several CD's...all in all it was very encouraging. We played a few other times through the weekend: once in front of a great coffee shop with amazing scones (see picture below) and once on the return trip on the Ferry. For both of these little sessions we put out my violin case as an after thought, but ended up making over $100! It was a great little surprise and again, very encouraging.
While staying with Ron Horn, I learned a lot about photography. He is a wonderful wildlife photographer and took me under his wing, teaching me how to use my camera and tempting me with amazing lenses. One morning he, Chris and I got up early to go look for wildlife to photograph. Our first sighting was a beautiful cinnamon colored black bear, and I was so excited to see it I forgot I was the one holding the camera. Oops. Didn't catch that shot, to say the least. But we did see a moose, swan and swallow (see below) :).
It's been two weeks since my last post, and life has been BUSY. It is starting to be normal for me to work 10 hour days, bike a half-hour-trek home, attend a three hour rehearsal and perform into the LATE (early morning) nights on the weekends. Suffice it to say that my body has been uber tired. A lot of biking and not so much sleep equals one exhausted Sarah. I am looking forward to the day I am able to stay up past 9:30 and function like a human being. For the past week, I got home, ate dinner, heated up my husbands (rice bags, for those of you who have not witnessed this long standing routine) and hit the sack. But despite this lack of social life, I have loved it. I continue to be encouraged at work and playing music with One Aisle Over. This band is full of people who love music and the opportunity it provides to take hope into dark places. I find their music creative, refreshing and well performed--and I LOVE being a part of it. More and more it is becoming something in which I can take ownership. This coming weekend, we are traveling by Ferry to Haines to play in the annual Brew Fest. I have heard wonderful things about Haines so far, and am excited to see it with my own two eyes.
Tonight I went with two friends to a concert featuring Gilles Apap, an impressive (though somewhat odd) violinist. I was excited by his performance, and reminded of my love of classical music. I have recently been putting some thought into pursuing violin again classically, and this performance may have pushed me over the edge. I am a bit intimidated by the work it would take to get my classical chops back, but at the same time I am ready and willing to take on the challenge. We'll see how this all unfolds, but at the moment I am encouraged at the prospect.
Other than that I don't have much to report. There are some pictures of the band below. One is from our recent photo shoot and others were taken at a gig last we
ek. Hope you enjoy.
So far, this Juneau experience has not been normal. I have only seen one day of rain since I arrived almost two weeks ago, and tonight temperatures are reaching 70 degrees. It has been phenomenal.
Today Naomi and I went canoeing in the ocean--right next to the boat in this picture. It was amazing. Sunshine, warmth, mountains, ocean, good friend. It honestly doesn't get much better.
This week has been wonderful. Work is kicking in a bit more. I went on my first bicycle tour as a rear guide (meaning I just ride and follow up the end of the group since I don't yet know enough about Juneau to be very interesting). I have been tired this week, but I have to think that biking 12 miles a day just in commuting, plus whatever I do on a tour has something to do with that. I was the poor, sorry victim of three flat tires this week (yes, please feel sorry for me and offer me your sympathy). You'd think I ride through glass on purpose or something. By the third one I was a tad frustrated and feeling ridonkulous. But I learned how to change a tire like a pro and am hoping for the best for this coming week.
I am going to take a few posts to introduce you to all my room/house/duplex-mates, but I thought I'd start with the hairiest first...Triton...the Newfoundland. This dog is the best dog ever (third only to Jessie Owens and Grace Elizabeth, Collish). He is 9 months old and 90 pounds (at least) and could still double in size. He is playful,
beautiful, loves eating sticks and drooling on everything. He is so adorable and lo
ving, I might need to be a newfy-lover from here on out. The best thing is, he likes cuddling with people. In the evening, it is not out of the ordinary to find one of the housemates on the floor snuggling with the dog. I have watched a lot of dogs in my day--and this is a rare previledge. This dog loves his people. I am now "aunt sarah" a third time...to Calland, Johann and now Triton. :) It's a role I am more than willing to assume.
The past three weeks have been a cra
zy whirlwind. On Saturday April 4th, I loaded all of my worldly belongings (minus my dresser) into my Subaru Forester and began my journey south. Lindsey, Joe and Jen helped me drag box after box out of the basement. In the end, boxes were abandoned, and Lindsey started loading random loose articles in every empty space. You could see shoes, books, bags, etc backed to the brim through all the windows. It really was a sight to behold. After a great breakfast of pancakes and turkey burgers, I said my one of my hardest goodbyes--to the Farleys. This trio has been my family for the past few months. I will miss their companionship and laughter. They truly are the best three people in the world to come home to. I hardly know how to entertain myself without Calland around to make me laugh.
On the road out of Spokane, the first song to shuffle through on the trusty ipod sang "Praise to the Lord, Who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth. Shelters thee under His wings, yea so gently sustaineth. Hast Thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been Granted in what He ordaineth?" What a perfect theme to proclaim this changing season. It has been a long few years of waiting for the right next step...and it has finally come.
The first leg of my journey lead me to Portland for several days. There I caught up with several good friends: Kacy, Mackenzie, Victoria, Betsy, and Dani. It was wonderful to see these women again. Kacy and I went on a long hike Monday AM and then stopped by a day spa for a little pampering. Over the course of these days, I was reminded of the richness of my time in Portland and the relationships I built there. Though it was a hard time of life, I have come to value the changing work Lord did while I was there.
Tuesday I drove a long 11 hours to Stockton, where I finally got to see my Peter and Paola and their new house. I spent several a few good days with them, and a day with Chris, Kirsten and Johann. I hadn't seen Johann since he was very small, and it was so great to see him walking around and babbling baby-babble. We went to "the Jungle" where he could walk around and play on all sorts of super toys. Chris bought him a ride on a dinosaur, and we had a great time. A couple days later Peter, Paola and I spent a day at Santa Cruz, which really was a treat. The sun was marvelous and the company hard to beat. We had a series of dinners because we couldn't decide what to eat. I highly recommend eating a sushi appetizer followed by Pizza my Heart. A winning combination. I
spent Easter morning at Peter & Paola's church where Peter and I lead worship for the servant's service. Once again I was blown away by my brother's talent and heart for ministry. There are some people for whom leading worship just comes naturally, and he is one of them. He is so sincere as he leads--it really encourages me.Next, I headed south to make a visit in a LA. I saw my mom, dad, good high school friends Emilee and Cindy and Katie and Scott Lyon. I spent my mandatory time on the beach with mom and went to the show my dad is musically directing. On Friday I headed back North, went to a Hockey game with P&P and went to Johann's 1st b-day party!! Sunday morning I played music with Chris at his church, which was also a blessing. He, too, has a natural gift in leading worship and a great heart for people. I love playing with him.
After a frantic-post-church scramble, I arrived at the airport with my HUGE pack, guitar, violin and carry-on bag. My pack miraculously weighed in at a bashful 49.1 pounds, narrowly missing the heavy-weight fee. Two flights and several hours later I landed in my new home, Juneau, AK!! New housemates Naomi, her husband Jason and friend Chris met me at the gate with warm hugs. I had met Naomi at Anna & Spice's wedding last September where we played music together. When she wrote a few months later to see if I would consider coming to Juneau to play with her band, I decided to take a chance. Now, here I am, in the Last Frontier, and loving it. All the band members, minus the drummer, live in a duplex together: Josh and his wife Kara on one side, Jason, Naomi, Chris and I on the other. It is wonderful living in community with these people. From the first day they were easy to be around and it all started to feel like home.
Juneau is a beautiful city. Every time we leave the house, I can't control myself--I just stare the majestic mountains and ocean. Our house is a few blocks away from the picture below, so I get to see these mountains every morning noon and night. The weather this week has been phenomenal--sunny days and a balm
y 45 degrees (which is warm enough to get people outside sitting in lawn chairs).
I have nothing but the hightest of expectations for this summer. My job so far has been wonderful, my house-mates better than I could've asked for, and the music super-great. The band I'm playing with is called One Aisle Over http://www.oneaisleover.com/Home.html. Josh and Naomi write and sing the music, and both of them are talented musicians. They both bring a unique, creative style with their music that I really enjoy. Thankfully, my violining fits well with their music and they really like my style. We had our first gig last night and despite some sound difficulties it went really well. It was fun to see my new friends in performance-mode and see how people respond to their music. I am excited to play with this group and see where the summer takes us.
For me, this summer is the cummulation of many things. The Lord has been refining my understanding of my self and teaching me to follow my dreams despite what others may think. Last fall, I was struggling deeply with where I was in life--wanting desperatly to go on an adventure or do something I 
was passionate about. I remember crying with my mom on the phone, longing for direction and purpose in life. Little did I know that I was in a holding pattern, not for spite, but for grace. It was in that holding pattern that the Lord could best provide for me medically with my surgery and relationally with my community in Spokane. But once those things had been taken care of, God flung wide the doors to the very things I had longed for. Music. Adventure. A non-office-job. A great new community. Beautiful surroundings. All in this Juneau package that I never could have forseen. Indeed, all my desires have been granted in what He ordaineth.
let's try this again. i am going to try to document my upcoming adventures on this little "blog". we'll see...i am not known for my consistency, but it could be a great thing. and the fact that i am having a hard time understanding how to create a cool layout (skin, if you will) is super encouraging.
i just bought my ticket for juneau, leaving from oakland on april 19th! it's really official! crazy. it will be a great adventure, and i am excited to get going.
